Cluster B Personality Disordered blame you

Life Coach and author A.J. Mahari talked to a group of Loved Ones of those with Borderline Personality Disorder in March of 2008. This is a brief excerpt of that talk, just before the break, after A.J. had talked for 55 minutes. In total this is a 2 hour talk about tough love and Borderline Personality Disorder given by A.J. wherein she talks a lot about what love is and isn’t in the relationships between non borderlines and borderlines. You can purchase the entire talk at in either video or audio format – Tough Love and BPD for Loved Ones.

This excerpt is 55 minutes into A.J.’s talk, just before the break, in what was a two hour talk. At a point in the evening when several in the audience got very emotional due to A.J.’s focus on love and what it is and isn’t aand what happens with and to love within the dynamics of relationships – of all types – with those with BPD and their loved ones.

People with a Cluster B personality disorder were interrupted in early childhood development and often born with a more sensitive temperament. When a more sensitive temperament meets with an invalidating or perceived as invalidating environment often the result will be person who ends up being diagnosed with a Cluster B personality disorder who not only is suffering but who will negatively and painfully impact loved ones in profound ways as well.

I don’t mean “tough love” as you might think I define it. I have had so much wonderful feedback from people who have purchased and watched the full video or the audios and listened to them. This just might be life-changing or any loved one of a person with Cluster B.

You can purchase the entire two hour talk “A.J. Mahari Talks to Loved Ones of BPD about BPD and Tough Love” in either video or audio formats.

A.J. firmly believes that tough love applied in a balanced way – as she defines tough love – can be crucial to recovery from BPD and just as crucial for loved ones to not only develop and maintain consistent boundaries but also very crucial for loved ones to not end up in the enabler role. Enabling holds those with BPD back, it does not help them.

In the first part of this 2 part of this audio or Video Lecture Mahari explores the reality of defining what tough love is – what it can mean and how tough love does not have to mean a lack of empathy or compassion. Mahari talks about what love means to add to understanding the application of it generally and within the framework of a love that is “tough”. She also addresses the challenge loved ones of BPD face when trying to understand and implement tough love within the broader context of the polarization in society that exists along side of the polarization within Borderline Personality Disorder.

In the second part of this audio or Video Lecture Mahari talks about how and when tough love can be applied in coping with someone with BPD in your life.

Mahari talks about her experience as a life coach and the common questions asked by loved ones that often can be addressed in and through the application of tough love in looking at each situation individually. She also speaks to the dilemma of what is referred to as a “lack of emotional skin” in those with BPD and what that does or doesn’t mean with tough love.

Mahari looks at the importance of middle-ground tough love given that those with BPD will often react strongly and intensely to what could be considered enabling, too much empathy or compassion or a lack of boundaries or how many view tough love as being the opposite of empathy and compassion and everything undertaken in rescuer-mode. The reactivity of those with BPD calls for this middle-ground tough love that is applied with the understanding that the reactions to said are the responsibility of those with BPD and cannot be modulated or controlled in any way by the loved ones, or even life coaches or therapists of those with BPD.

© A.J. Mahari, April 30, 2010 – with and up-date September 24, 2016 – All rights reserved.