The vast majority of us (often in spite of how our parents may well have failed us) learn the social norms, values, and morals of what form the basis of what is a social contract that we live within a common yet individual understanding of to varying degrees that fit with averagely healthy relating. This is not true of a Narcissist or a Sociopath or Psychopath. When we encounter or are trying to relate to one of these personality disordered individuals, we can be, without realizing it, trapped by the very social contract and social norms that we value and that we live by.
The quote to the left is an indication of the way in which those with Anti-Social Personality Disorder think. It makes a false equivalency that is important to understand. We are not all conformists in this regard because we understand and live by and with social norms. That’s healthy. That’s productive. We are not some “less than” them “mass” at all. We are individuals with balanced intelligence and emotional/social intelligence. But to those who are Narcissists, Sociopaths, and/or Psychopaths they do have only an intellect that they believe means they are superior to the rest of us. They believe they have superior intelligence without knowing they have zero emotional and social intelligence. Don’t let that false equivalency lead you past your boundaries and limits when something feels very not right.
When I am talking about “the social contract” I am not speaking as broadly philosophically as one could in the fullness of what the social contract over humankind has been defined as and meant. I am talking about the social contract from a psychological viewpoint. To wit, dictionary.com defines this social contract as:
  1. The voluntary agreement among individuals by which, according to any of various theories, as of Hobbes, Locke, or Rousseau, organized society is brought into being and invested with the right to secure mutual protection and welfare or to regulate the relations among its members.
  2. An agreement for mutual benefit between an individual or group and the government or community as a whole.

When we encounter a narcissist, malignant narcissist, sociopath or psychopath, we are coming from our social norm context and the narcissist, sociopath, or psychopath lives outside that social contract and all the values and mutual respect that our social understanding is based upon.

It is easy to be trapped then, disarmed, by the narcissist, or psychopath, because we get fooled, charmed, beyond our own gut instincts and sense of feeling weird around someone like this. It is so important to know that breaking your social understanding is a skill you acquire and use when in the midst of a narcissist, sociopath, or psychopath.

This is the most crucial time to believe what you feel. Believe that knowing that you might not want to follow, feel, or understand. Think about when and why and the indicators that betray the social contact . They will end up trapping you into unknowingly betraying yourself. Antisocial Personality Disordered individuals put you in varying degrees of harms way – if you don’t learn to recognize that you need first – over and above – social norms and empathy – to take care of yourself you may have or could walk right into that world of hurt.

Malignant Narcissists, Sociopath, and Psychopaths do not have any emotions. They do not have a conscience. They see people as objects to take supply and fuel from. They have no frame of reference, nor do they care, if they even know what they lack, for our emotions, our feelings, our social norms and values.

The more empathy you have for others, the more you need to be educated on these people and how they present and what that will feel like – both in how they can temporarily make you feel great in a very (unseen/unrealized) calculated way or ways and how much that will end up being used against you in extremely harmful and painful ways.

Learn to prepare for a Narcissist, Sociopath, or Psychopath (they live among us) and recognize them so that you can be prepared to suspend the social contract, your values and morals, have strong boundaries and limits by mindfully paying attention to how you sense something very wrong even if you partially feel great. And, know, it is not rude to walk away. You have that right. You need to do that. That is self-care first.

© A.J. Mahari, July 5, 2016 – All rights reserved.