People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) never apologize. Why is that? How many times have you been down tumbling painfully down the rabbit hole of trying to be seen and heard when you have had your feelings hurt or your boundaries totally disregarded? How many times have you tried to get some resolution only to end up angrier, more hurt, and/or more reactive or desperate to be heard?
The answer for many is endless or countless times. That reality may be in many people abused by Narcissists past but for all-too-many it’s still a very here-and-now unfolding suffering.
The 5 Main Reasons a Narcissist (Untreated BPD) or a Psychopath will never apologize are:
- They do not really feel anything for or about you.
- You are an object of narcissistic supply.
- They really just don’t care.
- If it isn’t about them, they are bored, they have no frame of reference.
- Beyond Hook-Bombing and Bait-Bombing (it’s not “love-bombing”) they are all about themselves – totally.
Narcissists and those untreated with Borderline Personality Disorder and Sociopaths or Psychopaths (all Cluster B Personality Disorders) have no reference of difference between self and other from which to be able to even understand (in the case of BPD) what you may be trying to describe. Two main reasons for this are a lack of self – even though for all 3 personality disorders (BPD without treatment) SELF seems to be all they serve and know. But it is this absence of Self that makes them tick as they do and be so inner-focused until they project it out on others.
Narcissists (and Sociopaths/Psychopaths) in particular, however, are not feeling anything that could even begin to bridge to how you might be impacted, effected, or abused by them. They don’t care. There is not idea there of “reality” beyond the what is actual absence of Self.
This is why going no contact is the healthiest choice. It is not always as possible as one might need it to be, where children are involved. It is, however, the best way to remove yourself from the abuse, impact, on-going chaotic drama and to not be in the role of rescuer, fixer, or over-empathizing. It is also the healthiest choice when one is ready to recover from the abuse.
People in proximity of a Narcissist or Sociopath or Psychopath (untreated BPD more so than those with BPD who get considerable and effective treatment) in whatever type of relationship dynamic that involves all will suffer greatly in trying to relate to care about, work with or especially love a narcissist. Narcissists do not love. For those on the internet that try to claim they have “cold empathy” or some kind of “love” that does matter because it not healthy.
Narcissists will not ever truly apologize as I said because they are all about them. They can’t see past their victim stance, or arrogant stance, or rage or punishment, or calculated picking fights and abusing you in so many ways, to gain negative fuel, negative supply from you – using you to give them a charge inside which is never enough and not very long lasting. It is not at all healthy, okay, or justified the way that they treat others. They are just the last ones to know or in most cases to not know ever at all.
This is why learning mindful self-control and detaching emotionally are the first two most important steps as you get on the road to NPD abuse recovery.
They don’t care how you feel. They don’t care what you need. They don’t care if you hurt. They don’t care how much of you they hurt, wound, or almost destroy. Many people, significant others, adult children, parents of, etc Narcissistic Personality Disordered loved ones (or former loved ones) end up diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) or Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD). The pain of the abuse you are suffering is very real. It is very impacting. You can lose yourself to it. Please heed the warnings of the pain and suffering you may just be becoming aware of or have been in a long time and take necessary steps to get help, support, and educate yourself so that you can find your way to taking very good safe care of yourself, over-all, and especially emotionally and psychologically.
© A.J. Mahari – August 20, 2016 – All rights reserved.